Percy Jackson Goes to Candy Mountain
by Daydreamer897
Summary: Based after the You-tube video Charlie goes to Candy Mountain.
1. Chapter 1

Percy Goes to Candy Mountain

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO **

* * *

Percy Jackson slept peacefully in his cabin, dreaming of kumquats and flying chinchillas. A strange crashing sound woke him from his slumber, but he didn't open his eyes, hoping dearly that he could regain slumber. Then, he heard in the most annoying voice, something that still drives fear into his very soul:

"Hey, Percy, hey Percy, wake up!" said a voice that could only belong to Blackjack . Percy groaned inwardly.

"Yeah Percy, you silly sleepy head, wake up!" He recognized that voice as one of Blackjacks Pegasus friends, she was pink. Seeing no way around it, Percy opened his eyes and snarled.

"Oh gods you guys, this better be pretty freakin' important. Is the camp on fire?" He said, wondering how the heck two pegasi got into his cabin.

"No Percy, we found a map to Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain Percy!"

"Yeah Percy, we're going to Candy Mountain! Come with us Percy!"

"Yeah Percy! It will be an adventure! We're going on an adventure Percy!" Percy resisted the urge to whip out Riptide and send both annoying pegasi to visit Lord Hades.

"YEAH! Candy Mountain right... I'm just gonna you know... go back to sleep now."

A look of horror filled Blackjack's eyes. Before Percy could get a word in edge wise, Blackjack leaped into the air and started jumping up and down on Percy, screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Percy, You have to come with us to Candy Mountain!"

"Yeah Percy, Candy Mountain... it's a land of sweets and joy... and joyness!"

"Please stop bouncing on me." Percy growled.

"Candy Mountain Percy!"

"Yeah, Candy Mountain!"

Percy realized angrily that there was only one way to get around these annoying Pegasi. "Alright Fine! I'll go with you to Candy Mountain."

* * *

Percy followed Blackjack and his friend through the woods, dearly hoping that no one would ever find out about this.

"LALALALALALALALAAAA!" The pegasi sang merrily.

"Enough with the singing all ready!" They stopped in front of a giant creature that Percy didn't

recognize.

"Oh, gods, what is that?"

"It's a leoplurodon Percy."

"A magical leoplurodon!"

"It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain."

Percy clapped his hand to his face in frustration.

"Alright, guys you do know that there is no Candy Mountain right?"

The pegasi stared at him in horror

"SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER!!"

"SSSHHHUUUNNNN"

"SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN!!"

"Yeah..."

The leoplurodon made and odd shrieking sound and the pegasi looked overjoyed

"It has spoken!" Blackjack declared.

"It has told us the way!"

"It didn't say any thing!"

* * *

The three traveled until they came to a rickety old bridge.

"It's just over this bridge Percy."

"This magical bridge of hope and wonder!"

Percy shuffled uncomfortably. "Is anyone else getting like covered in splinters? Seriously guys, we shouldn't be on this thing."

"PERRRRRCY, PERRRRRRCCYYY, PERRRRCY, PERC--"

Percy growled in annoyance. "What do you want? I'm right here!"

"We're on a bridge Percy!" Blackjack said.

* * *

Finally, they came to a small, mountain made out of pure candy.

"We're here!" Blackjack declared.

"Well what do you know? There really is a Candy Mountain." Percy said in wonder.

The two pegasi walked up to the mountain and sang out. "Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill us with sweet sugary goodness!"

"Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave Percy!" said Blackjack said.

"Yeah Percy, go inside the cave! Magical wonders are to behold when you enter!" His friend urged.

Percy bit his lip. He would have rather chewed his own arm off. "Um... thanks but no thanks, I just gunna stay out here."

Blackjack looked panicked. "But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave Percy." As he finished speaking, the letters C, A, N, D, and Y jumped out of of the mountain and letter Y started singing.

"Oh when you're down and you're looking for some cheering up  
Then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave  
When you get inside you find yourself a cheery land  
Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land  
They've got lollipops and gummidrops and candy things  
Oh so many things that will brighten up your day  
It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town  
It's the mecca of lovely candy cave

"They've got jellybeans and coconut with little hats  
Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets  
Buy the candy train to town and hear the candy band  
Candy bells, it's a treat, as they march across the land  
Cherry ribbon stream across the sky and to the ground  
Turn around, it astounds, it's a dancing candy treat  
In the candy cave imagination runs so free  
So now Percy wont you go into the cave"

The letters exploded once the singing was done. Percy groaned and decided to get it over with.

"Alright, fine, I'll go in the freaking Candy Cave! This had better be good!" He grumbled as he walked into the Candy Cave.

"Goodbye Percy!"

"Yeah, goodbye!" The pegasi called from the cave entrance.

The entrance to the cave shut, leaving Percy in complete darkness.

"Goodbye?" he asked, confused. "Hey, what's going on here?"

Percy heard a noise from something farther on in the cave. "Hello? Who is that?" He asked. He heard a bang from behind him, and then blacked out.

* * *

Percy woke up in his cabin, the morning light was streaming through his window. He groaned and then sat up, feeling a sharp pain in his side. "Ow... what?" He looked down at his side and growled.

"Gods, they took my freaking kidney!"

* * *

**I wrote this because I was bored. R&R if you really want. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Well people, I got bored again, so I decided to do write the sequel! Hurray for sugar high!**

**BookwormBandGeek- I have no idea how I thought of writing this, blame sugar high.**

**The Minotaur- ...sort of. YouTube and Google were also very helpful in filling in the gaps though. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO or Charlie the Unicorn! **

**Percy Goes to Candy Mountain II**

Percy Jackson was sitting in his cabin enjoying his new plasma screen TV. He would have been perfectly happy, if it weren't for one small, annoying detail. Blackjack and his pink Pegasus friend were hovering in the air above him, dressed in scuba gear.

"Glub, glub, glub, glub." Blackjack chimed.

"Glub, glub, glub, glub." His annoying friend joined in.

"Look over there!" Blackjack exclaimed, his eyes wide, "it's a coral reef!"

"Oh, look!" Percy huffed, "It's you guys… and you're floating."

"Percy! We're scuba diving, Percy!" Blackjack exclaimed.

"We're exploring the depths of the ocean blue!" his friend added.

"Oh no!" Blackjack suddenly gasped. "Here comes a school of poisonous Foogle Fish!"

"NNOOOOOO!! FOOGLE!"

"Yeah, you gotta watch out for those." Percy said sarcastically. "So, uh, go away; I'm watching TV."

Suddenly, a glowing light erupted from Percy's back.

"The vortex is open!" Blackjack gasped.

"Oh gods!" Percy started panicking. "OK, what is this?"

Blackjack and his friend stared drifting closer to the strange vortex in Percy's back.

"PERCY!" Blackjack cried, "We're being pulled into the vortex!"

"Swim away Foogle fish! Swim awaaaaay!"

"Come on now," Percy said nervously, "you guys are freaking me out! Turn this thing off!"

"There's no stopping The Vortex Percy!" Blackjack warned.

"FOOOGLEEE…" The Pegasus trailed off as the two of them were sucked into the vortex in Percy's back.

As soon as the two annoying Pegasi had disappeared, the vortex suddenly closed, leaving Percy alone in his cabin.

"Guys?" Percy called uncertainly. "Guys?... Or girls, I'm really not sure what you two are."

Suddenly, the vortex reopened and Blackjack poked his head out of the opening, holding a strange amulet of some sort.

"PERCY!" he shouted. "Percy! I have The Amulet!"

"What amulet?! What's going on?!"

"The Amulet, Percy! The magical Amulet! SPARKLES,SPARKLES!"

The pink Pegasus poked her head up next to Blackjack. "SPARKLES!"

"I-I don't understand what you're talking about!" Percy protested.

"The Amuleeeeet!" Blackjack said, then, he disappeared, the vortex closing once more behind him.

Percy stared around his cabin, wondering how the Hades he managed to get himself into such weird situations.

The vortex abruptly opened again, and the two Pegasi reappeared, landing in front of Percy. Blackjack was wearing an odd amulet around his neck.

"We did it!" Blackjack whinnied.

"We got The Amuleeet!" his friend said gleefully.

"Great!" Percy growled. "Now go away! I'm tired of the horrible things that happen when you're around!"

"NOO Percy!" Blackjack insisted.

"NNNOOO"

Suddenly, the two Pegasi seemed to inflate and grow several times bigger. Then in an instant the two were back to normal size. Percy briefly considered that he was hallucinating or dreaming, but banished the thought. There was no way that his imagination was this jacked up.

"We have to take The Amulet to the Banana King!" Blackjack said.

"Oh yes," Percy muttered, rolling his eyes, "The Banana King, of course! Absolutely not!"

"H-He's counting on us Percy!" Blackjack's friend cried, and then suddenly started floating up off of the ground.

"If we don't get The Amulet to the Banana King," Blackjack explained, "The Vortex will open and let out a thousand years of darkness!"

"NNNOOOO!" his friend cried, flailing wildly in the air, "DARKNEEEEESSSSSS!!"

The vortex in Percy's back opened again and giant tentacles shot out of it.

Percy was officially, freaked out and had a feeling that no lifetime of therapy was ever going to help him recover from this.

"AHH! Alright, fine! I'll go, I'll go!"

The vortex closed again, and the two Pegasi cheered.

"YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!"

"DAAAARRRRKKKKNNNNEEEEEESSSSS!" the pink Pegasus cried.

* * *

Percy followed the two annoying Pegasi through the woods, fuming inwardly.

Suddenly, Blackjack stuck out his tongue and made a very annoying sound. "Bllglglgl!"

"Blglglglglgl" his friend mimicked him.

"Blglglgllgl!"

"Blglglglglglgl!"

"Blglglglglgllglgl!"

"What are you two doing?" Percy demanded, not sure that he really even wanted to know. The two ignored him.

"Blglglglglgl!"

"Blglglglglgl!"

"Stop that!"

"…"

"…"

"Blglglglglgl!"

Percy was debating whether or not it would be better to cut his losses and pull out Riptide right then and there, when all of the sudden he noticed that they had come to a stop in front of a giant letter Z.

"Whoa, look at that!" he said.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Both Pegasi chimed in unison.

Blackjack then proceeded to speak random Spanish at the giant letter. **(A/N: Yeah, I really couldn't find the exact words, so, whatever.)**His friend joined in with a comment of her own, and the giant Z lit up, turned blue, and made a loud _ping_ing sound. Percy stared at the two Pegasi blankly, having no clue what either of them had said.

Both Pegasi laughed whole heartedly and the Z fell silent and returned to its original gray color.

"What?" Percy asked blankly.

The pink Pegasus ignored him and proceeded to spout more Spanish at the letter Z. Blackjack joined in and the letter Z turned a bright red color and made a low humming sound. Suddenly, a red laser beam shot from the letter Z, missing Percy's head by a hair's breath.

"AHH!" he gasped. "What did you two do?!"

The Pegasi again ignored him.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

Again, Blackjack said something in Spanish and the Z turned blue and made a _ping_ing sound. The two Pegasi laughed heartily; the Z turned red and made a low humming sound.

"Just keep walking Percy," Percy muttered to himself, following the two Pegasi quickly past the giant letter Z, "keep walking."

* * *

After a while longer, the trio came to what looked, very simply, like a giant sneaker.

"Hop on board the train, Percy!" Blackjack prompted.

"It's going to take us to the Banana King!" his friend promised.

Percy looked at the giant shoe skeptically. "I don't see any train. All I see is a giant sneaker!"

"It's the CHOO-CHOO Shoe, Percy!"

"The CHOO-CHOO Shoe!"

"Hurry Percy," Blackjack beckoned, boarding the shoe with his friend, "it's about to leave!"

Percy didn't move but stared at the giant shoe uncertainly as the two Pegasi chanted together.

"CHUGGA CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, SHOE, SHOE! CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA. CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, SHOE, SHOE!"

Percy decided that it would be better for his sanity if he passed. "Yeah, um, I forgot my boarding pass; I'll just walk."

* * *

Several traumatizing moments later, the trio was standing in front of a giant shrine. It didn't escape Percy's attention that the symbol displayed at the front of the shrine was the Soviet Union symbol with a banana instead of a sickle.

"We're here, Percy! The Temple of the Banana King!"

"Great!" Percy said. "Let's leave the amulet and go home!"

Suddenly, a strange creature that looked like some mutated narwhal-dinosaur thing wearing a Santa hat a white mustache and beard and lipstick appeared out of nowhere.

"…Who is that?" Percy asked, already beyond freaked out.

The Pegasi didn't respond, but just stood there with blank expressions on their faces.

"No, no really," Percy continued, figuring that they were just trying to make him start spazzing out. "You guys see it, right?"

The Pegasi remained in their silent state and the creature only stared blankly at him.

Percy was seriously starting to feel uncomfortable now. "I got to be honest, I'm getting creeped out here; somebody say something!"

As if on cue, the creature started floating into the air and music started playing and the creature started singing:

_Percy, you look quite down, with your big fat eyes and your big fat frown.  
The world doesn't have to be so grey!  
Percy, when you're in life's a mess, when you're feeling blue always in distress-  
I know what can wash that sad away...  
All you have to do is:  
_  
_Put a banana in your ear!  
(a banana in my ear?)  
Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear!  
It's true  
(says who?)  
so true.  
Once it's in your gloom will disappear.  
The bad in the world is hard to hear,  
when in your ear a banana cheers!  
So, go and put a banana in your ear._

[everyone sings]  
Put a banana in your ear!  
(I'd rather keep my ear clear!)  
You will never be happy if you live your life in fear!  
It's true,  
(says you)  
so true.  
When it's in the skies are bright and clear!  
Oh, every day of every year  
the sun shines bright on this big blue sphere,  
so go and put a banana in your ear!

The creature lowered itself to the ground and exploded in a large burst of flames.

Percy was beyond surprise. "Oh, of course! He burst into flames!"

Blackjack ignored Percy and stepped forward. "Go forth magical Amulet; return to the Banana King!"

The Amulet floated into the air above the temple and produced a large beam of light that shone down right on Percy.

"Percy!" Blackjack gasped. "You are the Banana King!"

"What?!" Percy protested. Before he could say more, he started floating up into the air. "Hey, hey! Hold on a minute!"

A banana with hands and a mouth suddenly appeared on his shoulder. "You're the Banana King, Percy!"

"No," Percy insisted, "I'm not! That doesn't even make sense!"

"All hail the Banana King!" Blackjack cried.

"I'm not the Banana King!"

"You are the Banana King!" Blackjack persisted.

"No, no! I'm, I'm…" more magical talking bananas appeared around Percy, all chanting "Banana! Banana! Banana!" A crown came out of nowhere and was lowered onto his head.

"I-I _am _the Banana King!" Percy proclaimed.

"YAY!" The Pegasi sheered.

"You _are _the Banana King!" the banana on his shoulder promised.

"I'm the Banana King!" Percy repeated, caught up in the hype of the moment. "Yeah!"

Percy was so distracted, that it took him several vital moments for him to realize that Blackjack and his friend had disappeared.

"H-Hey, where did you go?" he asked dumbly when he realized that the magical bananas had disappeared too, leaving him all alone, still suspended in mid air amidst a beam of light.

"Guys…Hello?"

No one answered, and Percy was suddenly extremely worried.

"Get me down from here!" he shouted, panicking.

As if on cue, the amulet seemed to falter, the beam of light flickered off, and Percy fell to the ground, landing on his back.

"GAH! OK, that's a sprain!"

* * *

Percy returned to his cabin sullenly, deciding to drown his irritation and dismay by watching endless TV on his new plasma screen.

"Hello?" he called, entering his cabin and finding that the lights were off. "Hello? Guys, where are you?"

Percy flipped on the light to his cabin and got the sudden urge to turn around go to the training area and beat the crud out of a training dummy to get rid of the sudden spite that was coursing through his veins.

"GAH!" he groaned staring at his now completely empty cabin. "You gotta be… Great! They robbed me!"

The vortex in Percy's back suddenly reopened and none other than Blackjack poked his head through the opening.

"Percy?!"

"What!" Percy demanded, his hand inching toward the pocket that he kept Riptide in. "What do you want?!"

Blackjack stuck his tongue out. "Blglglglglgl!"

Before Percy could react, Blackjack disappeared back into the vortex, sealing it behind him. Percy was left alone to fume in his completely empty cabin.

* * *

**Well, there you have it! R&R! **


End file.
